Mobile blogging

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Just downloaded WordPress for my Android and thought I would try my hand at mobile blogging.  Below is a picture of where I am which is, likely, much fancies than where you are.
I am sitting and waiting for a customer, so I can take him out to lunch.  He’s late…though I probably won’t be complaining about it to him, seeing as how he pays my salary, indirectly.

Ok…he’s here.  I’m out

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Published in: on April 17, 2011 at 12:03 pm  Leave a Comment  

Twins

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Yep, they look exactly the same.

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Mmmm. Green turds. Delicious.

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Brown ones too.

I am out shopping with the family… well, actually, I am waiting in line so Wife can get some crunchy things that are, by no means, worth the wait.

Take a look at the line in yonder pic, and the little things those people are waiting for.  The green ones look a little like turds.

My spawn are going nuts, running around, dancing singing and generally attracting as much attention as possible to themselves.
A middle aged woman just came up to me to tell me how cute my spawn are, which is to be expected, but then she went on to ask me, “Are they twins?”

Now, granted, both of my girls are unbelievably cute, Einstein-brilliant and undeniably perfect in every way, but that’s where the similarities between them end.

Big Spawn is 4 1/2, Small Spawn is about to turn 2.  Big Spawn has long hair, Small Spawn’s is short.  As you can see from the police line-up pick I just snapped, they are not remotely the same height.  They don’t even look the same, except maybe in the ear area.

Now, normally I wouldn’t think anything of some lady asking if my two very different looking and aged kids are twins, normally I’d just think “No,  you weirdo.”, but since moving to Ningbo, its happened a minimum of 15 times to Wife and I.  15 times each.

Both of us are utterly baffled.  I mean, really?  Twins?  In what universe would anyone possibly mistake these two for twins? One of them is still in diapers, for Christ’s sake.

The only thing we can think of is that because of the “one family one child” rule, that people just figure that if someone has two kids that they must be twins, no matter what the evidence to the contrary might be.

A: The law says you can’t have more than one kid, unless it’s some freak accident like twins.  B: These people have two children. Ergo: They must be twins.

I don’t know if that’s actually it, but if it is, it’s some pretty impressive leaps of logic.   Logical acrobatics, really.   It makes me want to go out and adopt a 12 year old Malawian boy, just to see if people here would ask if they are triplets.

Published in: on April 17, 2011 at 10:10 am  Leave a Comment  
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Talkin’ death with a 4 year old.

Yesterday my #1 spawn, out of the blue, tells me that she wants to see her “ju nai nai” (her great grandmother) who died when my #1 spawn was around one year old.

The following conversation is as verbatim as I can make it.

So I say, “Well, that’s going to be pretty hard to do.”

Spawn: “Why?”

Me: “Well, She’s dead, sweety.  You know that.”

S: “So?  I want to see her.”

M: “I’m not sure how to help you with that, sweety.”

S: “When I’m dead, can I see her then?”

M: “Ummm. Some people think so.”

S: “Think what?”

M: “Think that when you die, you go to heaven and you can see all your family who is already dead, and you can be there together forever.”

S: “What’s heaven?”

M: “Ummmmmmmm…  It’s a place that some people think you go when you die.”

S: “What do other people think?”

M: “Well…let’s see, lots of stuff… some people think you get born again, maybe into a person, or a monkey or a bird.”

S: “A cockroach?”

M: “Maybe.  If you’re not very nice in this life.  hmm…  Some people think you turn into energy, like electricity… (blank look) … the stuff that comes from the wall to the TV to make it work…(revelation and understanding).  And some people think it’s just nothing.  Like you know how sometimes you sleep, and you don’t have any dreams and you wake up and it’s like there was just nothing in between?”

S: “Yeah.”

M: “Well, some people think it’s like that.”

S: “Like nothing?”

M: “Yeah.”

S: “Daddy what do you think?”

M: “Well… really…  I think I just don’t know.”

She thinks for a few seconds, and then smiles and reaches up to pat my arm.

S: “Don’t worry Daddy, when you’re dead, you’ll know!”

Then my little spawn laughed like a bird and skipped away down the hall to go play.

I couldn’t have been prouder.

Published in: on April 3, 2011 at 7:07 am  Comments (1)  

Turning over a new leaf

So, I finally got fed-up with iWeb and decided to give this WordPress thing a try.

Honestly, I’m not too sure about the whole thing.  I’m a bit like an abused wife whose finally decided to leave may face-punching, belt-wielding, tittie-twisting husband.  I’m glad to be rid of the bastard but not really sure if where I’m heading is going to be any better.

I’ve had a couple of nice blog ideas in the past week or so and even wrote one of them, only to lose it, which is why I’m here dumping my former format in the first place.  However, having an early case of Alzheimer’s, coupled with the fact that sitting in my office on a Saturday is making my brain go bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, I don’t have much to write.

But now that I mention it to myself, I guess I do have a couple things to say about working in China.

Make up days

Tuesday is a holiday.  It’s tomb sweeping day.  It’s a day where you can go, sweep some tombs and tell your dead relatives you love and miss them, then you can burn some paper money so they can roll large in the afterlife.  It’s a pretty big holiday in Taiwan and China.  The whole region just shuts down.

Now, since the holiday is a Tuesday, we get Monday off too.  Just like, if it’s on a Thursday, we’d get Friday off.  But if the holiday is on Wednesday, then go fuck yourself, you just get that one day off.

But not this year bitches.  It’s on Tuesday.  Long weekend!  Yeahhh!

Except, it’s only half a long weekend.  Everyone has to work on Saturday to make up for missing work on Monday.  I’m told in Taiwan, they all did their makeup work day a couple weeks ago, so they’re all lounging on beaches, sipping piña coladas and squishing sand between their toes while I’m here typing at you people.

So, Monday is not a free day, as much as a trade-day. It’s like saying “You don’t have to pay me for that snickers bar, no, that’s free…but put $2.25 on the counter on the way out.”

It does make sense.  It gives everyone a longer weekend than just a single day off in the middle of the week.  During a long weekend, people can do some traveling.  They can go visit family and friends.  They can lay in bed for 72 hours, only moving far enough to scratch themselves.  Things you just couldn’t do with a single day off.

But, Entitlement Hinesy thinks they should just give me the day.  No one is doing shit in the office today anyway.  I’d be willing to bet my left pinky toenail that the same is going on in 96% of the country.  A billion folks surrounding me right now are simultaneously thinking “Why do I have to be here today? I’m just sitting here!

But then again, it’s probably just me (and other Lao Wai like me)that are feeling this way.  You know, people who are from countries that would, of course, just give their workers a free day off and never expect them to have to work on a Saturday to make up for the lost time.

The same countries, more likely than not, who are getting their economic asses whipped by a bunch of, weekend working, leftist, markist, moaist, flower-sniffing commies.

Back to the iWeb situation.  I know you guys like to go back and re-read my old posts every couple of days, so don’t worry, I’m trying to figure out how to get them onto here.

Published in: on April 2, 2011 at 7:42 am  Comments (4)